Blurb

One part of my final assignment in the creative writing course I was doing with Griffith University, I had to write a blurb for the novel I'm writing. It was inspiring to write, and it has changed the focus of my novel (again).

   Here it is:

Based on an unsolved double murder that happened nearly 100 years ago in Australia’s most remote alpine cattle station, this story explores how country people close off from outsiders to protect their own.

   A wealthy station manager is found murdered and buried in a shallow grave. His one employee is missing, only to be found months later, also dead. Was is the work of cattle thieves, or an angry husband defending his wife over a rumoured love affair? Or neither ... maybe the two murders were not committed by the same hands. One thing all those country folk agree is that it was bush justice.

   Told through the eyes of cattleman Harry Smith, whose life was intricately tied to the station, this is a tale of loyalty and trust.

Creative Writing Course - Stage 2 - Module 3

After Module 2, and the comments from the tutor, I had a good think about the story I'm writing. I have changed how I'm writing it ... almost completely.

Module 3 involved act structure, plot points, climax, the building of tension, and increasing the emotion that the reader feels for character as the story progresses. Great content, following on from last week, because it made me plot out my story in a new format, and from a new point of view.

Here's my assignment:

Hi Pamela. Thanks for your comments last week. I have changed my narrator, and will also be writing from a third person. My main character will also be different. My story will also be condensed in time, slightly, because I don't have a character that lives long enough to tell the whole story (150 years) of the Valley.

Jacqui

ASSIGNMENT

[My main character, Harry, is now one of the main suspects in the double murder. He is also the man whom Jim Barclay's (the first murder victim) son goes to live with, and work for, when he grows up.]

Plot point one: Harry finds Jim's house abandoned, and suspects something is wrong. He finds Jim's dog starving and stressed. He then finds the partially decomposed body of Jim that has been unearthed and chewed on by dingos, buried in sand in a shallow grave beside the creek near the house.

Here's the tutor's comments:

To Jacqui
Congratulations, Jacqui, you have passed the first big test of whether you’ll be a good writer! Being ruthless about your story is absolutely essential – you must be prepared to make fundamental changes if you need to. I am impressed that you have done so already! Since you are covering so much time, I think you are wise to move to 3rd person. It gives you much more flexibility.

Re your assignment: finding a body is always a terrific first plot point, and this one works well.

Well done!

Let's hope that I can make it work, now that the tutor thinks I'm on the right track!

Creative Writing Course - Stage 2 - Module 2

Module 2 of the Creative Writing Course (Stage 2) with the Sydney Writers' Centre was about narration: how close is the main character to the narrator. where is the narrator positioned in the story timeline, and what tense will the narrator use?

The assignment was then to write the opening 200 words to our story, based on the character we had developed in the previous module. Here is my assignment:

ASSIGNMENT
by Jacqui

I long for peace. Little do we know during life, what death will hold for us. I am bound, heart and soul, to this Valley. The Valley that initially entranced me, that has been the centre of so much suffering, that has also been the place of some unbridled joy, and where I finally found the meaning of unconditional love. My love could not be returned, because he could not know that I existed. He was born after I had already died, but I knew him completely, and I loved what I knew. When his life was taken, I mourned for him, but also yearned that we could finally meet. His after life was elsewhere, though, and I am destined to remain in the Valley forever. At least with the passage of time, I have found some acceptance. But all stories have a beginning, and that is where I must start.

Here are the comments from the tutor:

To Jacqui
Jacqui, I understand why you have started the story like this – you want to establish a frame story where the storyteller in the ‘story present’ looks back and narrates.  Unless there is also something happening in the story present, however, this is a static approach – we already know what happens, in a sense, so why should we bother to read it?  Ideally, the frame story character will also have a ‘character’s journey’ to follow in the frame story, a journey which will change our (and possibly his/her) perception of what has happened in the past.  Otherwise, the frame becomes a weight on the story, like an overly ornate frame on a picture.

I suspect you will find, as you go further with this story, that while you have needed to write the frame, the reader may not need to read it.  

If you do keep the frame, I wouldn’t give quite so much of the story away in the first paragraph!

The emotions are strong and the ideas complex and interesting, so be prepared to dole them out to the reader – don’t give it all away at the beginning.

I can see exactly the tutor's point. Why bother reading the story? The problem is that I'm writing a story based on real historic events, so the story is already known for any who want to look it up on Wikipedia! My other problem is that I'm not sure who should narrate the story, because no one lives long enough! Perhaps I need to just stick to the third person, take a different approach from what I originally intended, and rewrite the opening.

Creative Writing Course - Stage 2: Module 1

I started the second Creative Writing Course with Sydney Writers' Centre last week. The first module was focusing on characters. It extended on what was discussed in Stage 1, but took the discussion a couple of steps further.

I learnt about 'flat' and 'round' characters, and the difference between a stereotypical character. Plot-based writing and character-based writing were compared, and I learnt that most novels are a combination of both, and it's the balance between the two that is important. A character must be developed to the point that you know the character intimately. So, when something in the plot happens, the character's reaction comes naturally. The choices that the characters makes should also come naturally. The choices and reactions of a character may not be typical or predictable to the reader, but the writer should know the character enough that what happens is believable.

It is also recommended that we not write from life. We shouldn't base a character completely on someone we know. This is because we can never know someone completely, and the character will either end up lacking something, or you will end up offending someone by making something up that is not true to your muse.

Our assignment was to do our own character development, and then shorten that to a synopsis. Here's mine:

ASSIGNMENT
by Jacqui

James ("Jim") Barclay is my murder victim.
He is 48 years old. He is the second son of Scottish immigrants, born in 1869 in country Victoria. He is intelligent, but not educated. He feels that he can't live up to his father's expectations. He left home at 17 years of age. He went gold mining. He wasn't successful, so he became a farm labourer. He followed the various gold rushes around the country, but always fell back on droving and shearing. At the age of 41, he married a 19 year old. She was 7 months pregnant when they married. She died 7 months after giving birth. Jim couldn't look after his own son, so he sent his son away to live with his sister in Vermont, Melbourne.
Jim is over six feet tall. He is handsome. Dark hair and dark brown eyes. He wears a thick moustache. He is elegantly groomed, always coming into society in his best three-piece suit and hat. He was always dressed in a suit whilst working.
Jim isolates himself. He is a blokes' bloke, but since his failure as a son, the death of his wife, and his failure as a father he thinks the best thing for everyone is to take himself far away. He gets lonely. He is shy and introverted. It takes him a while to open up to people. However, whenever he is in society, people gravitate to him because of his good looks. He is polite and good humoured. He is engaging in conversation, and witty. The ladies love him, but he doesn't seek their attention and doesn't take advantage of it. He prefers animals. He is great with animals, he can anticipate what they need and he has a calming effect on them.
He wants to be with his son. He wants to pass all his knowledge onto his son. He wants to earn enough money so that his son can have everything. He wants to be a provider. But he knows that his son is better off being cared for by others, with other children around. His son is too young, and needs too much attention which Jim knows he cannot provide. So he makes himself as busy as possible, stretches himself thin over his commitments, gives himself precious little time to think about his son or how lonely he really is.

Here's what the tutor said about my response:

To Jacqui
I very much like the amount of thought and detail you have brought to this character.  I would like just a little more – in particular, where Jim is working and what he is doing (his ‘commitments’) at the time of the story.   Is this a story set in the Diamantina, or in Victoria?  Does he ever visit his son?

I am having trouble imagining him in his three-piece suit shearing a sheep.  (I’m not saying shearers didn’t wear suits – but usually they took off the jacket and the collar at the very least while they were working.  And a shearer in a suit would stand out amongst the crowd; how did the other men take to him?  Was he competent as well as good looking?)

I think you also need a bit more to explain the gap between Jim the shy introvert, and Jim the witty debonair social man.  They can certainly be the same person, but it’s harder to write and portray.

Jim is a potentially tragic figure, and if he is indeed murdered then he becomes even more tragic.  He is very engaging, so the reader should care a great deal when he is killed.

I’m hoping it’s the son who is trying to find out what happened to him!

It's a bit difficult, because I'm basing my character off a historical figure. So I have ideas about him from pictures that I have seen, but the tutor has raised some interesting points.

I'm finally starting to feel like my writing is improving, because the tutor has been questioning me and opening my eyes to things I haven't considered before.

Module 3 - Creative Writing Course

This week, we were told about the value of 'workshopping'. Basically, it's having a few people, or a group that helps each other, to read your work and provide criticism. Which also means that I have to tell people that I'm writing, and have to let people read what I'm writing ... !! I know this is important - to be a writer, someone needs to read your work. But I was hoping that I could hide was I was writing until it was all neatly bound into a printed novel. I have to overcome that, obviously, and I think that is what this blog is about, in part. I want feedback, and I am putting myself out there.

Also, the course was about description. It was about scenes and summary in writing. It was about dialogue, and it was about using all five senses.

Here is my assignment that week:

The gusty breeze brought the smell of lemon-scented gums when it billowed past. The winter sun was bright, but the heat that could roast the earth at other times of the year did not seem to reach me. The air was icy, causing goosebumbs to break out in tight little lumps across my arms and scalp. But I continued to trudge through the wet grass, bracing against the wind and hugging myself. I always felt like I was the last person on earth out here. This paddock was completely closed in by hills and thick grey-green gums rising steeply up the slopes, their shadows stretching halfway across the clearing. The only sign of humanity was the post and wire fence that run across my path in the distance, and the occasional jet tracing its slow passage across the blue sky. Bell birds whipped their greeting to me from the gums, and a willy-wagtail danced ahead of me before perching on a large cow pat and twirling his tail in a black and white blur. Faintly, I was eventually able to hear the low hum of a tractor, as I crossed the paddock towards the rusty wire gate that hung lopsided from its hinges.

Here are the tutor's comments:

To Jacqui
This starts off a little awkwardly,  but then you get into your stride and it comes alive.

Look at the difference in ‘feel’ between the first three sentences and what comes after ‘But I’.  At the beginning, you are trying for effect, but your character is absent.  Your sentences are all constructed the same way (for example, they all start with ‘The’).

Then your character enters the scene and suddenly it comes alive.  After that, we are so firmly in the moment as she/he walks across the paddock that we are utterly convinced it’s a real place.  The rhythm is stronger and the sentences flow.

Why not have a try at rewriting the first three sentences so that they feel the same way?  Then it would be really terrific.

Well done.

By the way, the research for my novel has begun!

Module 2 - Creative Writing Course

Module 2 of the creative writing course with Sydney Writers' Centre was about developing characters.

For our assignment, we had to develop a character, then write a personals ad for him or her. The second part of the assignment was that the character had to explain/defend the personals ad to someone who found out about it. Here's my effort:

PART ONE

Man seeks wife. 32yo Mallee boy seeks country girl for future together. I am a family man, self employed, living in a great community. Must love utes, animals, and fishing. Send a photo to helen@live.me for a first date.

PART TWO

"Fuck! Who told you? She can't keep her mouth shut. I s'pose I shouldn't have expected it to stay a secret 'round here. You know how me mum and sisters get after a few wines. This ad was their latest idea. You should've seen their first effort. No way was I letting them post that! It was cross between a romance novel and an ad for a housekeeper! Mum's even getting the emails sent to her, so she can go through them first.

"But mate, I'm getting old. How long've you and Jode been together now? Twelve years? You'll be a fuckin' Pop before I had kids. I don't wanna be an old dad. I wanna be able to kick a footy around with me son. I wanna come home to a meal around the table with a family. I want my name passed on, and the property to stay in the family. There are no girls around here my age that haven't been through every guy already. How else am I gunna meet someone? I never get away from here. Mate, this has to work."

Here's the tutor's feedback:

Jacqui, I just love the mum getting the emails first to vet them!

That tells us more about the family than anything else could.  It’s lovely details like this which build up a picture of the character’s background and environment.  If you really write this story the mum and the sisters have to be vivid and funny but with their own stories and issues. 

Is he talking to his brother-in-law?  Who is the ‘she’ who can’t keep her mouth shut?

That will determine the relationship with the other guy, which I’d like to see develop a bit – can you have him say something your main character doesn’t expect?

Because the assignments don't ask for much detail, I prefer to be subtle. I like leaving a lot of questions open for the reader, some mystery in the character, that will unfold gradually.

So far, so good.

Module 1 - Creative Writing Course

I did the first module of my creative writing course.

It was all about voice, narrative, and tense. Good start. These things are basic, but something that you seem to take for granted.

After listening to the module, and reading the handouts, the group had to write a first paragraph. We had to write it to make is stand out from the 'slop' pile of manuscripts that a publisher might get.

This was mine:

Quiet. Got to be quiet. The darkness is solid black, but her eyes are wide open. Her little body is curled up in the womb of her sheets. Wet. The acrid smell of her own urine, but she lays still, unable to move. There is one strip of light, shadows moving across it, where the voices are coming from. Her father's rage. Her mother's screams and sobs. She is frozen on her mattress, listening for what seems like ages, her heartbeat rocking through her whole body. Then the thumping began, the pounding into the soft flesh of her mother. The shrieks. Then silence.


I wasn't conscious of some of the things that we learnt in the module, though. I obviously used the third person, but tried to get a personal narrative happening. I tried to keep the sentences short, so the speed of the paragraph flowed fast and created more tension. However, I jumped around with my tenses a bit, and my grammar wasn't fantastic.

Here's the comments from the online tutor:

Oh, Jacqui, this is heartbreaking. And technically very well done except for some small niggles.

Good use of sentence fragments and internal discourse. Nice pace and good suspense.

The niggles? You shift tense. You are in present tense the whole time until ‘began’, which is past tense. It should also be ‘lies there’, not ‘lays there’.

Otherwise, this is working well. However, I want you to think about why you are using present tense, which is more demanding both of readers and of you. It is technically harder to tell a story in present tense, so if you choose it you should know why. I’m not saying ‘don’t use it’ – but make it a conscious choice, not something you just fall into.

Good work.

So far, so good. I'm learning, which is the main thing. Just got to write!