Creative Writing Course - Stage 2 - Module 4

Such a great week of information! I highly recommend this online course for anyone who's beginning to write their first novel.

This week was about creating a scene. We had to think about the purposes of the scene, and add dialogue. There was a lot of information this week about developing dialogue. Again, I highly recommend this course by the Sydney Writers' Centre.

Here's my assignment:

Harry watched as the small party of riders made their way slowly along the valley. The sun was already below the ridge line, although the heat of the late February day lingered in the air. The riders folloed the river before veering up the hill towards the homestead, where Harry stood waiting.
He had expected uniformed officers, but these men were all similarly dressed, in moleskin pants and linen vests over their shirts. Harry picked the two stockmen guides from the way they slouched easily in the saddle, not tired from the long days of riding. He recognised the constable as Higginses son from Jamieson. The other two were clearly city men. Their backs were a little too straight, their heels pressed down into their stirrups a little too correctly.
The slim city copper reached Harry first. Harry tipped his hat, but received no acknowledgement from the officer who stood up in his stirrups and performed a stiff-legged dismount. He tossed his reins to one of the stockmen who had come up alongside, before marching up to Harry.
"Detective Alex McKerral," the man announced, extending his hand to Harry and gripping firmly for two quick pumps.
"Harry Smith."
"Well, Harry, show us the way."
He shouldn't have been surprised, because this was why McKerral had travelled three days to get to the homestead. To see Jim. But Harry had thought McKerral would have at least asked a few questions first.
Harry nodded. "Just take the horses around the house paddock to the stable, boys," Harry suggested to the stockmen. The other city officer and Constable Higgins had dismounted. Harry nodded a greeting to Higgins. McKerral didn't bother to introduce Harry to the other man.
Dusk was fast approaching, but Harry lead the three coppers across the valley to the sandy banks of Conglomerate Creek. He indicated south, up the creek, to the pile of rocks that now covered Jim's grave.
McKerral walked carefully around the site. "I assume the rocks are your work." McKerral didn't look at Harry when he spoke. It was not a question, but Harry answered.
"That's right. Jim had been dug up by dingos. I didn't want that to happen again."
McKerral grunted, looking up and down Conglomerate Creek, and then up the valley to the homestead. The other two coppers stood watching McKerral, mute.
"Did you move the body?" McKerral fixed Harry with his icy blue stare.
"His skull was over there," Harry pointed a couple of feet away, towards the creek. "But we, that is Arthur Phillips and I, saw some red cloth poking from the sand here. We dug Jim out. He was wrapped in a red blanket. We wanted to check that Bamford wasn't underneath. He's not."
"Arthur Phillips, the owner?"
"Yes, sir."
McKerral grunted again. "Who's Bamford?"
"The cook and general hand that Jim hired." Harry did not elaborate that John Bamford was missing, and that Harry suspected he had shot Jim. McKerral could work that out himself.
"Well, it's getting too dark now. Show me the house. We'll get the body out at first light." He started striding back to the homestead, with the two officers hurrying to catch up.
Harry took his time, nodding to Jim's grave and muttering, "This is the man they sent for you," before following the other men back across the valley.

Functions:
- This is the reader's and Harry's first introduction to the detective who leads the investigation into Jim Barclay's murder.
- The division is established between city and county men. Harry is critical of the detective's style in horsemanship, how he proceeds with the investigation, and how he conducts himself with people.
- The detective is working. He's cynical, and suspects everyone. He likes to be in charge. He is critical of the handling of the crime scene, and the possible loss of evidence. Ultimately, he forms the theory that Bamford killed Barclay, and that Harry Smith killed Bamford in revenge.
- Harry refers to Jim by his first name, indicating his close friendship. The detective refers to Jim as 'the body'.

Here's the tutor's comments:

To Jacqui
The dialogue and setting are working well, and the atmosphere feels authentic, which is great.

My only quibble would be that I’d like more of a description of McKerral. How old is he, for example? Looks? Facial features? Just a bit more information to flesh him out.

You could do the same for the other characters as well, but McKerral is the main focus of the scene, so most information should be about him.

Arthur Upfield is terrific at this kind of writing, especially describing characters, and it might pay you to read some of his books if you haven’t already.

An interesting scene and promising story!

Next week is the last week, and then I'm on my own to write ... it's daunting!

Henry VIII: Wolfman

Because I want to read broadly, to improve my writing, I read a popular book this week: Henry VIII: Wolfman by A.E. Moorat. It is fast paced, easy, and fun to read. This is the format of best sellers. I raced through it.

I am also a fan of Phillipa Gregory's portrayal of the Tudor rein, and the Tudor TV series. A.E. Moorat stuck very close to history (other than the werewolves and supernatural creatures!), which made the story even more compelling. If Henry VIII really was a werewolf, it would explain a lot!

It's obviously not a literary piece. It was extremely fun, gory, ridiculous in its own way, but you take it for what it is. To read it, I would suggest that you have to be familiar with the history. The book seems to assume that you know who the main characters are - there is no character development, except to develop the characters into their supernatural roles!

Henry Tudor being a werewolf explains his extremes, his weight, his bloodlust, his temper, and his lust. The book also introduces a religious sect of supernatural slayers, of which Jane Seymour is one. (It would be really interesting to have the sequel to this book and have Jane Seymour's as a Protektor on the lycan king.

The characters that were the most fun were completely fictional - a false witchfinder, Hob, and his bloodthirsty psychopath wife, the hag Agatha.

It really is a must-read book, for anyone travelling on a long flight, or who has a rainy weekend to pass in bed. Have some fun, be open-minded, and leave the criticism for the literary works.

Creative Writing Course - Stage 2 - Module 3

After Module 2, and the comments from the tutor, I had a good think about the story I'm writing. I have changed how I'm writing it ... almost completely.

Module 3 involved act structure, plot points, climax, the building of tension, and increasing the emotion that the reader feels for character as the story progresses. Great content, following on from last week, because it made me plot out my story in a new format, and from a new point of view.

Here's my assignment:

Hi Pamela. Thanks for your comments last week. I have changed my narrator, and will also be writing from a third person. My main character will also be different. My story will also be condensed in time, slightly, because I don't have a character that lives long enough to tell the whole story (150 years) of the Valley.

Jacqui

ASSIGNMENT

[My main character, Harry, is now one of the main suspects in the double murder. He is also the man whom Jim Barclay's (the first murder victim) son goes to live with, and work for, when he grows up.]

Plot point one: Harry finds Jim's house abandoned, and suspects something is wrong. He finds Jim's dog starving and stressed. He then finds the partially decomposed body of Jim that has been unearthed and chewed on by dingos, buried in sand in a shallow grave beside the creek near the house.

Here's the tutor's comments:

To Jacqui
Congratulations, Jacqui, you have passed the first big test of whether you’ll be a good writer! Being ruthless about your story is absolutely essential – you must be prepared to make fundamental changes if you need to. I am impressed that you have done so already! Since you are covering so much time, I think you are wise to move to 3rd person. It gives you much more flexibility.

Re your assignment: finding a body is always a terrific first plot point, and this one works well.

Well done!

Let's hope that I can make it work, now that the tutor thinks I'm on the right track!

Of Love and Shadows

After reading The Kite Runner, I decided to read a book by Isabel Allende who wrote a testimony for The Kite Runner. I chose Of Love and Shadows, for no real reason, since I knew nothing about Isabel Allende. One of my best friends highly recommends Isabel Allende, and went through a phase where she read only this author and read most of her books at least 4 times. She holds Isabel Allende's writing style in high regard.

Of Love and Shadows is a love story, set in a county under a military dictatorship. The characters span all levels of society and wealth. Both main characters, the lovers, become more and more aware of the atrocities of the army and set about bring them to the world's attention. They then have to flee for their lives.

I found that the language was very poetic, though I wonder how much of the original writing is lost in the translation from Spanish to English. The descriptions are certainly very unique, and not how most English speaking writers would think.

However, the pace of this story was very slow. The character development was excessive - some characters were focused on and developed unnecessarily. The paragraphs were too long, making the reading difficult, and making it very difficult to find a place to put the book down. Because the descriptions were so unique, I kept being thrown out of the story, which was very off-putting.

The story takes place in a South American country - it is not clear which one, or whether the county itself is fictional. The woman, Irene, is brought up wealthy and very naive. Her character changes the most, since she discovers both love and shadows. She originally thinks she is in love with her long-time boyfriend, a Captain in the ruling army. After she finds out about some atrocities committed by the army, she starts to think of her fiance in a new light and wonders what he may have done.

Francisco is the third son of a university professor who lost his job when he was proclaimed as an enemy of the county, and blacklisted for his socialist ideals. Francisco is educated abroad, and has a doctorate in psychology, but cannot find work as a psychologist. He becomes a photographer for a woman's magazine where Irene works. He falls in love with Irene straight away.

Irene and Francisco's adventures whilst investigating the army's atrocities brings them closer, and Irene finally realises she loves Francisco.

Many people go missing, and are assumed killed by the government, during this story. Some people realise what the government really is, and some people try to stay oblivious. Some of the relationships are beautiful, and tragic. It is a very touching story, but I think a couple more re-writes could have perfected it.

Creative Writing Course - Stage 2 - Module 2

Module 2 of the Creative Writing Course (Stage 2) with the Sydney Writers' Centre was about narration: how close is the main character to the narrator. where is the narrator positioned in the story timeline, and what tense will the narrator use?

The assignment was then to write the opening 200 words to our story, based on the character we had developed in the previous module. Here is my assignment:

ASSIGNMENT
by Jacqui

I long for peace. Little do we know during life, what death will hold for us. I am bound, heart and soul, to this Valley. The Valley that initially entranced me, that has been the centre of so much suffering, that has also been the place of some unbridled joy, and where I finally found the meaning of unconditional love. My love could not be returned, because he could not know that I existed. He was born after I had already died, but I knew him completely, and I loved what I knew. When his life was taken, I mourned for him, but also yearned that we could finally meet. His after life was elsewhere, though, and I am destined to remain in the Valley forever. At least with the passage of time, I have found some acceptance. But all stories have a beginning, and that is where I must start.

Here are the comments from the tutor:

To Jacqui
Jacqui, I understand why you have started the story like this – you want to establish a frame story where the storyteller in the ‘story present’ looks back and narrates.  Unless there is also something happening in the story present, however, this is a static approach – we already know what happens, in a sense, so why should we bother to read it?  Ideally, the frame story character will also have a ‘character’s journey’ to follow in the frame story, a journey which will change our (and possibly his/her) perception of what has happened in the past.  Otherwise, the frame becomes a weight on the story, like an overly ornate frame on a picture.

I suspect you will find, as you go further with this story, that while you have needed to write the frame, the reader may not need to read it.  

If you do keep the frame, I wouldn’t give quite so much of the story away in the first paragraph!

The emotions are strong and the ideas complex and interesting, so be prepared to dole them out to the reader – don’t give it all away at the beginning.

I can see exactly the tutor's point. Why bother reading the story? The problem is that I'm writing a story based on real historic events, so the story is already known for any who want to look it up on Wikipedia! My other problem is that I'm not sure who should narrate the story, because no one lives long enough! Perhaps I need to just stick to the third person, take a different approach from what I originally intended, and rewrite the opening.

The Kite Runner

Continuing my aim to read widely, and to read good quality books, I finally read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.

Amazing! This story was so touching. I was sitting on the train, crying, this week whilst reading this book. The characters were brilliant. The pace was excellent. The narration was terrific.

The Kite Runner taught me a lot about Afghanistan. I had not heard much about life prior to the Soviet invasion of the country. I didn't realise that it was quite progressive, and could be quite an advanced country, if it wasn't for the various wars that have ravaged the country for the last thirty years. It also makes me wonder why Afghanistan became a nest for terrorists who hate America. They should hate communists and the Taliban. Maybe there is a lack of education and perspective in the last two generations. Amir's generation certainly saw a better Afghanistan and knew who the real enemy was. However, the man who later helps Amir to get back into Afghanistan does scoff at Amir's view of Afghanistan, saying he never lived in the real Afghanistan, because his father was wealthy.

It is a story of suffering. Every character suffers. Sohrab's suffering is the most poignant, because the book ends with his emotional turmoil. Amir suffered for his own guilt. Hassan probably suffered the most, though. His chance of happiness was taken away so early in his life, he was raped, and later shot in the prime of his life. He was helpless. Sohrab, although he probably saw his parents shot, and was also raped, at least had a chance at life.

The book also explained the relationship between the Pashtuns and the Hazaras, and the Sunni and Shi'as. Previously, I knew there was a division between these sects of Islam, but I was pretty oblivious really. Even with all the news about Iraq, which broadcast more about this division than any broadcasts about Afghanistan ever has.

Baba was a hard man. He was very set in his ways. He couldn't cope once he got to America. He was a hard worker, and always kept his entrepreneurial spirit which was displayed through his market stall. But, like so many first generation immigrants, he struggled with the language and he struggled with the way of life. He relied more on his son, and because he finally saw his son doing well, I think he softened to him and allowed himself to show his love. Finding out that Hassan was Baba's bastard son certainly did change my view of Baba. Hassan was his favourite, whilst they lived in Afghanistan. His heart must have been torn when Hassan left, and he would never have heard of him again.

Amir was not a hateful person. He thought of himself as a coward. He gave into his fear, but ultimately, he wasn't a coward. He was so ashamed of himself that he took it out on the true victim - Hassan. He was angry at himself, and in way, he was punishing himself by refusing himself Hassan's friendship. He continued to hurt Hassan, which made his guilt worse, in a continuing downward spiral.

On the front cover, Isabel Allende is quoted as saying "Unforgettable ... extraordinary. It is so powerful that for a long time after, everything I read seemed bland". I agree, wholeheartedly. The next book I'll read will be by Isabel Allende

Creative Writing Course - Stage 2: Module 1

I started the second Creative Writing Course with Sydney Writers' Centre last week. The first module was focusing on characters. It extended on what was discussed in Stage 1, but took the discussion a couple of steps further.

I learnt about 'flat' and 'round' characters, and the difference between a stereotypical character. Plot-based writing and character-based writing were compared, and I learnt that most novels are a combination of both, and it's the balance between the two that is important. A character must be developed to the point that you know the character intimately. So, when something in the plot happens, the character's reaction comes naturally. The choices that the characters makes should also come naturally. The choices and reactions of a character may not be typical or predictable to the reader, but the writer should know the character enough that what happens is believable.

It is also recommended that we not write from life. We shouldn't base a character completely on someone we know. This is because we can never know someone completely, and the character will either end up lacking something, or you will end up offending someone by making something up that is not true to your muse.

Our assignment was to do our own character development, and then shorten that to a synopsis. Here's mine:

ASSIGNMENT
by Jacqui

James ("Jim") Barclay is my murder victim.
He is 48 years old. He is the second son of Scottish immigrants, born in 1869 in country Victoria. He is intelligent, but not educated. He feels that he can't live up to his father's expectations. He left home at 17 years of age. He went gold mining. He wasn't successful, so he became a farm labourer. He followed the various gold rushes around the country, but always fell back on droving and shearing. At the age of 41, he married a 19 year old. She was 7 months pregnant when they married. She died 7 months after giving birth. Jim couldn't look after his own son, so he sent his son away to live with his sister in Vermont, Melbourne.
Jim is over six feet tall. He is handsome. Dark hair and dark brown eyes. He wears a thick moustache. He is elegantly groomed, always coming into society in his best three-piece suit and hat. He was always dressed in a suit whilst working.
Jim isolates himself. He is a blokes' bloke, but since his failure as a son, the death of his wife, and his failure as a father he thinks the best thing for everyone is to take himself far away. He gets lonely. He is shy and introverted. It takes him a while to open up to people. However, whenever he is in society, people gravitate to him because of his good looks. He is polite and good humoured. He is engaging in conversation, and witty. The ladies love him, but he doesn't seek their attention and doesn't take advantage of it. He prefers animals. He is great with animals, he can anticipate what they need and he has a calming effect on them.
He wants to be with his son. He wants to pass all his knowledge onto his son. He wants to earn enough money so that his son can have everything. He wants to be a provider. But he knows that his son is better off being cared for by others, with other children around. His son is too young, and needs too much attention which Jim knows he cannot provide. So he makes himself as busy as possible, stretches himself thin over his commitments, gives himself precious little time to think about his son or how lonely he really is.

Here's what the tutor said about my response:

To Jacqui
I very much like the amount of thought and detail you have brought to this character.  I would like just a little more – in particular, where Jim is working and what he is doing (his ‘commitments’) at the time of the story.   Is this a story set in the Diamantina, or in Victoria?  Does he ever visit his son?

I am having trouble imagining him in his three-piece suit shearing a sheep.  (I’m not saying shearers didn’t wear suits – but usually they took off the jacket and the collar at the very least while they were working.  And a shearer in a suit would stand out amongst the crowd; how did the other men take to him?  Was he competent as well as good looking?)

I think you also need a bit more to explain the gap between Jim the shy introvert, and Jim the witty debonair social man.  They can certainly be the same person, but it’s harder to write and portray.

Jim is a potentially tragic figure, and if he is indeed murdered then he becomes even more tragic.  He is very engaging, so the reader should care a great deal when he is killed.

I’m hoping it’s the son who is trying to find out what happened to him!

It's a bit difficult, because I'm basing my character off a historical figure. So I have ideas about him from pictures that I have seen, but the tutor has raised some interesting points.

I'm finally starting to feel like my writing is improving, because the tutor has been questioning me and opening my eyes to things I haven't considered before.

Of Mice and Men

I read 'Of Mice and Men' by John Steinbeck last week. I whizzed through it in a couple of days, because it is a short story. Despite its length, it has some of the best characters that I have read. It is powerful. The pace is perfect. The dialogue doesn't take away from the story. It doesn't need anything more.
   George is the small intelligent man, the protector. He has a huge heart, but doesn't want other men to see his heart as weakness. He loves Lennie and takes care of him. He feels obligated to do this, but he is not bitter for it. Years ago, he used to make jokes at Lennie's expense, to try to get other men to like him. But now he just protects him. George ends up shooting Lennie to protect him, in a way. He puts him down, like an animal that has done the wrong thing. Like a pet that he loves, that he doesn't want to see suffer any more pain. I can't imagine making such a choice. My husband asked me recent, "What would it take you to kill?" I couldn't answer then. But now, I think that I could only kill to protect someone else.

   Slim is a kindred spirit with George. He has earned respect in a different way, so doesn't have to hide himself as much as George does. But he sees who George is almost straight away. He also sees what Lennie is, and the understands the real reason why George looks after Lennie. He understands that George didn't shoot Lennie in self-defence, but as an act of kindness.
   Curley's wife cannot be blamed for Lennie's death. She couldn't have known how Lennie would react. She was playing with him, with a slightly cruelty. She was also lonely, and used her sexuality to get attention because she didn't know any other way. If she hadn't screamed, she may have survived. If she was smart enough to realise that Lennie wasn't trying to hurt her, and calmed him down, she may have survived.
   Carlson is a stupid man that reacts emotionally, and tries to please whomever he sees as the alpha male in the situation. He is not sensitive, and has no insight into other people.
   The title refers to the small men, and the real men. It divides men between those who are thugs, and those who are protectors of others. It divides men by their behaviour.
   I think George did the right thing. He could have walked away, and not lead the men to Lennie. Lennie would have starved, or sought George out which would have been dangerous for George. He could have let the men catch Lennie, hoping that they would listen to Slim and hand him over to the police. Lennie would have been hung or sent to the electric chair, but his death would have been humane compared to the death that Curley would have dealt. It was unlikely, though, since Curley and Carlson both had bloodlust. George did the best thing in a horrible circumstance.

Once Upon A Time

To become a professional writer, I need to make sure my writing is good, if not great. Well, we all know that practice makes perfect.
   The latest exercise I assigned to myself was again from the book Now Write! The exercise is entitled "Once Upon A Time" and was suggested to the editor by Elizabeth Graver. The exercise uses the classic fairy tale, "Little Red Riding Hood," as a springboard for exploring how experimenting with time in fiction can help you explore your characters in more depth. There a four short exercises within this exercise, each of which should only take about 10 minutes. Elizabeth Graver starts each exercise, and then we need to take over the story from where the ellipses end.

1. First person, Subjective Time:

   "What great teeth you have, Grandmother!"
   "The better to eat you with, my dear," shouted the wolf, and with one bound, he sprang out of bed and would have gobbled me right up, had not I been to quick. I ran screaming out of the cottage, and as I ran, all my fears ran close behind me. I saw ... the mill, its stone foundations like a fortress. If I could just make it inside, I knew I would be safe.
   My lungs burned, and I didn't realise until later that I had screamed the whole way to the mill.
   At first, the hot breath of the wolf was blowing on the back of my neck. His paws were thudding on the ground right behind me, it seemed. I can't remember the precise moment when the wolf wasn't chasing me anymore, but by the time I reached the shade cast by the mill, the wolf was gone.
   It was in the shadow of the mill, with my hand reaching out to touch the blue stones, that I finally stopped running and turned around.
   A small crowd had gathered around what looked like the wolf on the ground. But part of its snout and its ears were separated and lying a few feet away. The people were all looking from the wolf to a man who was leaning on an axe handle. Despite everyone congratulating him, the man was watching me.


2. Future Time:

   Little Red Riding Hood was very much frightened but not hurt. Karl took her home to her mother, and after that day she was not allowed to go through the woods alone. What she could not know then, but would learn may years later, after she had a daughter of her own, was that ... wolves were not the only predators to fear. 
   Riding Hood had moved to the city with her husband, and lived in a cottage that was identical to all the other cottages in the street. None of the neighbours spoke to each other, and Riding Hood's daughter was kept in doors to keep her safe. If she went outside, there were many bad things that could happen; being hit by a car, falling out of a tree, bitten by a snake, or even kidnapped by a stranger.
   Riding Hood often wondered if moving back to the village near the woods would give her daughter more freedom, a more relaxed way of life. But there were more opportunities in the city - the best schools, the best piano teachers, the best hockey coach - so they stayed.


3. Animal Time:

Little Red Riding Hood lingered on in the wood, gathering posies for her old grandmother, who could not get out and see the spring flowers grow. At last, tired with her play, she set off to reach her grandmother's cottage. While the girl played, the wolf shambled off through the forest. His legs felt ... energised and springy. His stomach growled with anticipation.
   Once Little Red Riding Hood was out of sight, he took off at a run, stretching his legs and letting the wind whip his lolling tongue against hist cheek.
   As he approached the mill from the woods, he saw immediately the little cottage where the old lady lived. Despite the carefully tended flowers surrounding the little house, the wolf could pick up the musty scent of the elderly on the breeze.
   He paused just inside the tree line, cautious of open spaces and large groups of humans.
   But his hunger exceeded any fear that he felt, so he padded out of the dappled light into the sun. Quickly crossing the open gravel space to reach the white picket fence surrounding the little house, the wolf then raised himself precariously onto his hind legs to knock on the painted green door.


4. The Grandmother's Time, or Time Collapsing:

   "Pull the bobbin and the latch will lift up," called out the grandmother. And the wolf pulled the bobbin, lifted the latch, and entered the cottage. Now the grandmother had lived for ninety years and had seen a great many things. What happened to her next threw her back upon her past, flung her far into the future, and froze her solidly in place, all at precisely the same time. She ... felt like she was in a dream, when your movements are painfully slow, and the danger was racing towards you.
   She thought of the day she had met her husband, and the blue of his smiling eyes. She thought of the eight children that they had raised together, the laughter and joy, and the struggle it had been to feed them all. She felt the happiness that had enveloped her each time one of her children married, and left the cottage to make their own way in the world. She remembered the birth of each of her grandchildren, and also the death of her husband.
   The thought of death jolted her - not her own, but of Little Red Riding Hood's death whom she now knew was on her way to this very house.
   All she could think of to do was try to cause as much damage to the wolf as she should, to give Little Red Riding Hood a chance to escape. She grabbed her knitting needles, and held one in each hand, facing the wolf with resolve.


This was a fun exercise, and could have taken my many directions. For the next five weeks, I will be doing the second creative writing course with the Sydney Writers' Centre, so I will have their assignments to complete. I will post those, instead of doing my own exercises.

Enjoy.

The Secret Life of Bees

I just finished reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. It is a very endearing and touching story. But, having done the creative writing course, I am now much more aware of technique.

The pace of the story is too fast in the beginning, and gets bogged down in the middle. The story is very simply written. There is some lovely imagery, but in other places the language is too simple. I can see that the writer may have tried to keep it simple, since the main character is a teenage girl. However, the narrator is the girl looking back, so she's probably an adult and it need not have been so simple.

Lily is such a lonely child, with no friends, no mother, and a distant and cruel father. She has latched on to the memory of her mother, and her emotions are embattled. She is guilty because she thinks she killed her mother. She longs for her mother's love, because she feels so unloved and unloveable.

I believe her father's version of her mother's death. The gun accidentally discharged. I don't think that he took the gun off her and killed her mother. Although, I think he was relieved that she died. My opinion of Lily's father, T-Ray, changed at the end of the book, after we get a glimpse of the emotion he's holding back. He's so angry at Lily's mother for not loving him, for leaving him. He's turned bitter and angry at the world because of it. To begin with, he just seemed mean. By the end, you know that he wasn't always that way. I don't think he was abusive towards Lily's mother, I think Lily's mother developed depression and T-Ray was oblivious, or didn't know what to do. Men like to be able to fix things - maybe he felt like a failure because he couldn't make Lily's mother happy.

The book is also about race. I don't know much about the southern states of the USA and their racial issues, except what I've seen in movies and read in books. I don't understand the hatred and the segregation. I find it shocking. I like that Lily is so accepting of the Negros, although she also has her beliefs challenged because she didn't think they could be intelligent. I like that the Negros are equally as accepting of Lily, although they didn't have to be, and potentially could have been hurt by having Lily stay in their house. I love that Lily falls in love with Zach, who is black. She finally saw, through him, that their differences were only skin deep. They had even had a lot of the same experiences, because Lily had been bullied and persecuted by her peers.

The sisters have a beautiful relationship, and I think these characters make the novel. August is my favourite of the sisters. She is the person holding that family together. She is so calm. She is smart. She is obviously captivating, particularly with their unique religion, but she is still realistic about Black Madonna. She doesn't think that the statue is the be-all-and-end-all, but that Madonna is everywhere. The spirituality is lovely, and August combined her passion for honey and bees into her spirituality. She lives it everyday.

Now Write!

Whilst I'm in between courses, I am trying to keep up with short writing assignments. I bought a book called "Now Write", which is full of fiction writing exercises. Here's the exercise that I flicked open to:

Wedding Cake Assignment: an author called Debra Spark had heard of another writer's (George Garrett) experiment. He had chosen "the wedding cake in the middle of the road" as an image that is unlikely, but needed explanation. The assignments were turned into an anthology. Debra now has her own students brainstorm for puzzling images and then vote for a favourite for them to write about. She suggested the following images as exercises in "Now Write": the fish falling from the sky; or a lawn sign that reads "Wife Wanted, Inquire Within".

I decided to write on neither of the images that Debra Spark suggested, but when back and wrote on the wedding cake in the middle of the road. Here it is:

The main street of Lockingbarr is wide, with shady verandahs stretching out over the dusty footpath. The two blocks over which the shops march side by side are divided by a bridge spanning Frog's Hollow. The townsfolk all have their favourite end of town - the older residents and those who have lived their whole lives in Lockingbarr prefer the end south of the bridge, and those new to town preferred the north.
   A breeze blew some dry leaves down the quiet street, but there was no other movement. Two cars were parked along the curb north of the bridge, their shadows extending far down the road in the early morning light. A bell jingled and a young woman stepped outside, pushing aside plastic streamers. She was followed out by a thin, short man who battled with the streamers that swung back at him.
   The young woman took two long strides on her dainty heels, her skirt swinging around her calves as she pivoted around to face the short man.
   "Thank God that's organised," the woman said briskly. The man nodded, causing some strands of fair hair to flick forward. "I'll tell Mum to cancel her order with Gaffney's Bakery down the south end. There's no way we're having that fusty fruit cake for our wedding."
   The man had stopped abruptly, but now hurried to catch up as the woman pivoted again and strode off towards one of the nearby cars.
   Inside the bakery, Amy was still trying to recover from her consultation. She stood with her hands extended in front of her across the shoulder-high cabinet full of pastries and slices. She chin rested on her chest and her whole body quivered.
   Her business partner emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her white apron. "You ok, love?"
   Amy raised her head and straightened up. "Guess who that was?" Amy didn't wait for Rachel to reply. "Megan Wright. Ordering a wedding cake."
   Rachel's mouth fell open, and she moved over to the cabinet beside her friend. "Did she recognise you?"
   "Of course not!" Amy snorted. It had been nearly fifteen years since Amy had been terrorised by Megan Wright in Lockingbarr Primary School. Amy had been a chubby child, to say the least. She had escaped Megan when they had gone to different high schools, and then Amy had left town to get her business degree. She'd met Rachel at university and they'd been inseparable ever since. Recently, Amy had convinced Rachel to move to Lockingbarr and open this bakery up the north end of town.
   "What are you going to do?" Rachel asked.
   "I'll make the friggin' cake! Double chocolate mud. Three square tiers. White icing. Red roses," Amy reeled off the directions she'd been given.
   "Fine," Rachel shrugged. "You should have told her to piss off. But, anyway. When does she need it?"
   "Two weeks."
   "Jeez she's leaving it a bit late."
   "Her mother had ordered a cake from Gaffney's, down the other end of town." Amy gazed across her counter. She shook her head. "She hasn't changed at all."
   "Lucky guy!" Rachel's sarcasm was like a mist that lingered after she had returned to the kitchen.


Amy rotated the cake slowly, tweaking a rose here and there, turning her head from side to side. Megan Wright was due to collect the cake in an hour, to take it to the function centre before she went to Tiffany's Salon to get her hair done.
   Rachel had wanted to push the cake to the back of the fridge the night before and put a box of lamingtons on top. To hell with the cake - there's nothing Megan could have done about it, anyway. But Amy couldn't wreck her creation on purpose.
   But as she continued to rotate the cake, making tiny adjustments, some of the terror and helplessness crept back into her. She remembered her bruised scalp and trying to cover bald patches where her hair had been yanked out. She remembered being sneered at and pushed aside. She remembered getting surrounded and pinched all over. Most of all, she remembered being the terror of being chased and always knowing that she wasn't fast enough to get away. All at the hands of Megan Wright.
   An hour later, when Megan was driving north across the bridge, she could see something sitting in the middle of the road. She couldn't make out what it was. It was about level with the bakery, so she was slowing the car down when she realised it was a cake. White, three-tiered, with red roses. Her cake!
   She stopped the car in the middle of the road, gripping and wringing the steering wheel as she peered through the window, unable to fully comprehend ...
   Eventually, she shook herself and threw the door open. She stomped up to the cake - was it ok? Someone was going to pay for this!
   The cake would have been beautiful, if it wasn't for the ants trailing over it, and the bees eating the sugar icing.
   Megan swept the cake up and stalked towards the bakery, ignoring the cars trying to negotiate hers, still sitting where she had left it, with the door open.
   Amy stood in the window, watching. Megan wasn't distraught, that was clear, and this annoyed her. As Megan approached, Amy slowed turned the lock over in the door, and displayed the "closed" sign in the window. She know Megan had seen her, and heard her call out, but Amy slowly turned away and walked behind her display cabinet, into the kitchen.
   The cake hit the window with a squwelshing thud.


Please workshop my piece, and give me some feedback.

Nancy Wake: A Biography of our Greatest War Heroine

In keeping with my promise to myself to read widely, and hopefully this will help improve my writing, I just finished reading Nancy Wake's biography by Peter Fitzsimons.

Nancy is an incredible woman, and there's no taking anything away from her life or her story.

I knew nothing about Nancy Wake until I went to see Peter Fitzsimons speak in Wagga Wagga upon the release of his autobiography: 'A Simpler Time'. He's a great speaker, and I knew he'd written quite a few books on various wars. He talked about he book about Nancy Wake. So I bought it after he'd finished speaking, and had him autograph it for me.

Peter Fitzsimons used a lot of cliches in his autobiography. I had hoped his voice wouldn't be so strong in his book on Nancy Wake. Unfortunately, it was. He's got a very distinct writing style, and he makes serious situations seem humorous. Nancy came across as a very frivolous party-girl before the war, and perhaps a lot of the sayings that Peter Fitzsimons used were her own. But I sometimes felt that the language used made the events that Nancy went through trivial, which they definitely were not.

I admire Nancy. I admire her strength and determination. I admire her survival. I feel pity for her, that Australians didn't give her the recognition she felt she deserved, or that nothing in life lived up to war time after WWII. She didn't seem able to settle into normality again, although she was used to living a wealthy fast-paced life before the war. I hope she has found some peace since Peter Fitzsimons wrote this book.

I highly recommend this book, because I think every Australian should be aware of what Nancy Wake did. Just be prepared for Peter's seemingly light-heartedness in his writing style.

Creative Writing Course - Module 5

Our fifth and last module in the Sydney Writers' Centre short Creative Writing Course 1. This module was about the publishing process. It was shocking - the time that it takes to get published, and the potentially low monetary return. However, after some reflection, I am sure that I was never trying to write to get rich or famous. I want to get my writing in print. I want my writing to be good enough to be acknowledged. So long as I don't have to pay for the publishing process, I think I'll be happy.

The assignment for module 5 was to create a scene around the dialogue assignment that we completed in module 2. Here is mine:

Condensation slid down the side of the icy cold glass and bubbles slowly rose in the amber liquid to the froth at the top. Michael's mouth watered as he lifted the glass slowly, savouring the anticipation of the first mouthful of his first beer on this Friday afternoon.
Swivelling on his bar stool, he leant back against the dark wooden bar and watched as other utes pulled into the curb out the front of the pub. All his fellow farmers were congregating here from their various outlying farms, as they did every Friday ... and Saturday ... and sometimes Sunday as well. Men greeted each other as doors slammed and they hurried into the shade of the wide verandah, out of the burning sun.
Michael had turned back to the bar to order a second beer when someone reached over his shoulder and thumped down a magazine on the bar in front of him. Trying to focus, a stubby finger pointed at something on the page that was supposed to catch his attention. Horrified, Michael realised he was looking at the Women's Weekly classifieds.
"Mike ... what the ...!" His friend, Pete Mollison slapped him on the back, raising dust and releasing the smell of hay.
Pete had obviously found out about the ad that had been put into the magazine for Michael. Since the Women's Weekly wasn't Pete's usual reading material, Michael was already wondering which of his sisters' big mouths was to blame.
"Fuck. Who told you?" Michael looked up at his mate's grinning face. Pete's eyes were twinkling, and Michael knew that he would never live this down unless he offered a proper explanation.
"Your sister ran into Jode at the primary school this morning. She ran out and bought this straight away."
"No, which sister?"
"Kate."
Michael could picture the gleaming face of his sister at the front gate of the school yard, as the words gushed from her, bursting to spread the secret that she'd been sworn to keep.
He couldn't be angry. Why had he expected that Kate could keep her mouth shut? She had been spilling secrets since she could point her finger as a toddler, especially if it got her one and only older brother in trouble.
Pete plonked his solid bulk onto the stool beside him and shut the magazine, turning it over on the bar so that they wouldn't have to explain themselves to the men around them.
The familiar old barman placed two frothing beers in front of Pete and Michael, who had known each other since their mothers had put them to sleep in the same bassinet as babies.
"She can't keep her mouth shut. I s'pose I shouldn't have expected it to stay a secret round here," Michael sighed, pulling his beer in close and turning it around on the bar mat.
Pete stayed quiet, watching his beer, decided not to make fun of his mate just yet. 
"You know how me mum and sisters get after a few wines. This ad was their latest idea. You should've seen their first effort. No way was I letting them post that! It was cross between a romance novel and an ad for a housekeeper! Mum's even getting the emails sent to her, so she can go through them first."
"But you didn't have to let them go through with it at all. Shit, isn't this a bit embarrassing?" Pete asked.
"Only because you know. No one had to know."
"You've got to be kidding," Pete sounded incredulous. "You sound desperate."
"Maybe I am," Michael said quietly, before taking a deep gulp of beer.
Pete's drink sat untouched, despite the heat. He had turned towards his friend, leaning on the bar. "You just haven't met the right chick yet. Someone will come along," Pete offered.
"When? Where from?" Michael punctuated each question by looking pointedly at his friend and raising his eyebrows. 
Pete shrugged, knowing Michael was right. There were very few women who stayed in the Mallee who were single. "Someone'll come along," Pete repeated, less convincingly.
"But mate, I'm getting old. How long've you and Jode been together now? Twelve years?" He waited for Pete to nod. "You'll be a fuckin' Pop before I have kids. I don't wanna be an old dad. I wanna be able to kick a footy around with me son. I wanna come home to a meal around the table with a family. I want my name passed on, and the property to stay in the family. There are no girls around here my age that haven't been through every guy already. How else am I gunna meet someone? I never get away from here. Mate, this has to work."
Both men sat quietly for a moment, twirling their beers against the bar mat.
"Are any of 'em gunna be good enough for Helen's boy, do ya reckon?" Pete turned his lopsided grin on Michael, trying to lightening the mood. It worked. Michael snorted. They both knew that his mother's standards were ridiculously high for her only son.
"We can only hope that she digs up a supermodel that cooks, cleans, fixes a tractor, and drenches sheep!"

Here is the tutor's comments:

To Jacqui
I very much like the sense of family and deep community you are setting up here.  If this were a story I was reading I would be looking forward to meeting Helen!

The relationship between the men works well and I believe that they’ve known each other all their lives.

There are a couple of bits I particularly like: when Peter turns the magazine over, which tells us that this is a real friendship; and the way they twirl their beers on the beer mat – that’s a lovely piece of observation.

If you were writing this for real, you would need to make a twist in the tale somewhere soon – set up our expectations and then confound them so that we see this theme given fresh life.

You have a little glitch in point of view where ‘Pete shrugged, knowing Michael was right.’  This is Pete’s pov, not Michael’s, and then we pop back into Michael’s at ‘He waited for Pete to nod.’

There are a couple of other moments, like Pete’s lopsided grin, where the pov is unclear.  Have another look at it and see if you can go just a bit deeper into Michael pov.

Other than that, good reading!

I will be enrolling and completing the Sydney Writers' Centre's short Creative Writing Course 2, which starts on 7 April 2011.

A List - Dymocks Booklovers' Best

I'm not reading books just because they're popular. I like reading obscure stories, and I love finding an old novel at the weekend markets. But, sometimes, books make book-seller shortlists because they are good. The book-seller shortlists are a good starting point to reading more widely, and if you find an author you like then you can read their other novels.

Here are the books I have read off the Dymocks Booklovers' Best/Top 101:

1. The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer (this is popular for ease of reading and for the use of classic act structuring - very satisfying, but very simple)
2. Harry Potter by JK Rowling (but I've only read books 1-5 and got sick of them!)
3. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (Lizzie is one of my all-time favourite characters)
4. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (don't bother with the movie)
5. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien (I was brought up having these read to me as a child, and probably read them one every 2 or 3 years)
6. The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak (an Australian author)
7. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
8. The Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson (another series of books that seemed to be popular for popular's sake. The main character was unique but the story constantly bogged down)
14. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (very unique)
17. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
18. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
19. Cloudstreet by Tim Winton (another Aussie)
20. The Host by Stephenie Meyer (I preferred this to the Twilight saga)
21. Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin
22. Atonement by Ian McEwan (don't bother with this movie either)
23. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
28. The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas (an Aussie novel)
30. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
31. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
32. Tomorrow when the War Began by John Marsden (I read this when it first came out - I was in my teens, a bit younger than the main characters, and I was so in awe of this story. It probably helped that John Marsden came and spoke at our school)
37. Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer (the most refreshing story I've read in a long time)
42. The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay (another Aussie novel in the Top 101)
44. Tully by Paullina Simons (this is a disappointment, compared with some of her other masterpieces)
46. Breath by Tim Winton (I found this confronting, but my husband is an adrenaline junky, like these boys)
48. Life of Pi by Yann Martel (thrilling with a twist)
52. The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory (loved it!)
58. Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery (I read this in primary school, along with the other 4 or 5 books in the series, and I think I should revisit them. I have fond memories)
64. Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice (the real vampires)
71. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom (charming)
73. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (American sap)
85. The Road by Cormac McCarthy (horrifying)
87. The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis

I'd love your comments on any of these books.

I'd also love your suggestions. Maybe I should compile my own 100 favourite books. Watch this space ...

Creative Writing Course - Module 4

Module 4 of my creative writing course with the Sydney Writers' Centre was about structure. We learnt about the basic 3-act structure (plot point 1, plot point 2, climax, resolution) and we learnt about picaresque structure.

The main thing about act structure is a building throughout the story, and the main character grows throughout. As part of structure, we learnt about catharsis, complications, and eucatastrophe.

Picaresque structure was very different - it is just a sequence of episodes, without the main character growing or changing except for perhaps the character's social or financial position.

Our assignment was to outline the structure of To Kill a Mockingbird. Here's my attempt (and the structure of a story is never completely right or wrong):

Plot Point 1:
When Jem and Scout tell Dill about the mystery of Boo Radley - this plants the obsession and the bravado in the children to bring Boo out.

Complications:
- Atticus getting selected to defend Tom Robinson causes:
- Scout's confrontation with her cousin
- confrontation at Calpurnia's church
- confrontation at gaol
- confrontation with Mrs Dubose
- Boo
- trying to deliver the letter through the window
- the midnight visit to try to see Boo
- the possessions being left in the tree

Plot Point 2:
Tom Robinson is found guilty.

Climax:
Scout and Jem are attacked in the dark.

Resolution:
The saviour turns out to be Boo Radley, who is a very benign and scared person, and not a crazy axe murderer. The attacker is determined to be Bob Ewell, who died in the scuffle with Boo. Jem's arm is broken, but we know he'll be fine.

Our tutor made the following comments to all of us taking the course:

The differences in your readings of the book just reinforce for me that no two readers read the same book – we all interpret with our own mindset and experiences.  This is a great thing!  But it means we have to remember that as writers we can only control how our readers respond to the book up to a certain point – beyond that, their own experience takes over and influences how they read.

I  believe that the main story is the Tom Robinson plot, as it drives the action which creates the climax.

In scriptwriting (which I used to do for a living), the Tom Robinson plot would be called the A story, Dill and the kids/Boo Radley the B story and the other things that happen to Scout, which are about her changing her perspective on her own community, including her father, the C story. But this book, like all great novels, is too complex to tie down so neatly!

For me, the first plot point is Atticus taking on the case of Tom Robinson.  It’s true that Dill’s arrival is extremely important in Scout’s life, but it doesn’t directly affect the climax or outcome of the book, and therefore I wouldn’t put it as a plot point.  If Dill hadn’t arrived, Atticus would still have taken on the case, Cunningham would still have attacked Scout in revenge, etc.  Scout’s relationship with Boo Radley was already beginning without Dill, so he would still have been there to save her.

The second plot point is the court case, as some of you have identified.  But it is not the verdict which is the plot point.  It is Atticus’ decision to question the truthfulness and honour of the girl, which is directly contrary to the Southern code.  This decision leads directly to the climax – whereas the verdict doesn’t affect the climax one way or the other.  If Tom Robinson had been found innocent, Ewell would still have attacked Jem and Scout – possibly with even more vigour.

These two plot points show us that the main theme of the book relates to racism and prejudice, as many of you identified – and this is supported by the sub-plots, which are about the foolishness of making judgments about people based on little evidence, whether that is the townspeople’s ideas about Boo Radley, or Dill’s stories about himself or, most importantly, Scout’s assumptions about her father. 

As for complications, all the ones you have listed are valid.  It’s quite a complex book, and many of these complications relate to the sub-plots, which combine to form an overall sub-plot about Scout growing up and learning about life.  Note that in the climax and resolution, Harper Lee brings the plot and the sub-plots together beautifully so that we are satisfied on each level that she has worked on (racism plot, relationship with Atticus, relationship with Boo Radley, relationship with town, etc).

The climax is the attack on Scout.  When you are trying to identify the climax of your story, you are looking for two things – the most exciting moment, where the fate of the main character(s) hangs in the balance, and the thing which makes the resolution either possible or inevitable.  Although the verdict was the ‘important’ event, it doesn’t tie all the themes together in the way the attack does.

The resolution is the last scene, where we, as well as Scout, get to meet Boo Radley and have our curiosity satisfied, as well as feel that justice has been done to both Ewell and Boo – and since this is a book about racism and prejudgement, it is important also that we feel justice was not done to Tom Robinson.

I don’t claim that this is the only reading of the book – but when I tease out what Harper Lee is doing structurally, this seems the most coherent way of looking at it to me.

One more module to go ... and I'm on my way to being a writer!